Valentines

I've noticed a weird trend in jewelry advertising lately.

Jewelry stores are trying to sell diamonds of different colors. The chocolate diamond "exclusive" at a certain national chain store I find the most baffling. If a man wants to dazzle his woman with the most stunning piece of jewelry he could possibly find, why would he buy her a dull BROWN diamond?

It's not like diamonds are cheap. But there they are, all over my screen during commercial breaks. There's green diamonds, there's red diamonds, there's even new blue diamonds. It's like they are trying to sell me Lucky Charms cereal instead of precious gems.

And when they are shown in settings with necklaces, bracelets, and rings it makes this REALLY expensive jewelry look like cheap costume jewelry. Everybody knows it's rubies that are red and emeralds that are green. (We've seen the Wizard of Oz. We know.) This just adds another unnecessary layer of confusion for a guy who is trying so hard to buy something secretly for his girl.

"You got me the GREEN one?! I wanted that color LAST year. Don't you ever listen to me??? Blue, BLUE is in this year. And I would have settled for chocolate. Don't you know ANYTHING about diamonds? You're SOOOOO inconsiderate..."

That's entirely too much pressure.

Guys KNOW a bright clear diamond is REALLY a diamond. They also know that gold is a bright yellow...

...what? Gold is silver-colored too? Why on Earth would somebody buy gold that isn't gold-colored?

I'll stick to roses.

Jewelry stores, you brought this on yourselves.